Why is no one talking about post-lactation depression?

“Even with the support of a therapist, I was surprised that I had never heard of what weaning could be like,” says Eva, who is also a therapist and lives in London. Eva slowly weaned her son, who she bottle-fed after expressing milk, after nine months. But even the gradual reduction in milk supply could not prevent a complicated web of emotions. “It was a really horrible period, and I felt extremely alone in it, because I felt like I had no one to talk to about it who would understand it, who could say something about it, especially because I thought it was a mistake inside myself, instead of being grateful that he was healthy and happy and could stay that way.”

When I posted a throwaway mention on my Instagram Stories about how my hormones had been tested since weaning, I was amazed at the flood of responses I received. All these women shared their understanding and compassion. It helped immensely: I wasn’t broken, I was undergoing another unspoken transformation of adulthood – one that too often you can only know by going through it.

Yet we can do more to make this change less silent with impunity. For Professor Brown, it is a problem that can be tackled at several levels: by doing more research into what women actually experience, by improving support at the healthcare level and, more broadly, at the societal level. “We’re really not very good at supporting mothers through changes in their children’s lives. It’s time we really appreciate how much our mothers do,” she says. One practical change she believes would help enormously would be to enable breastfeeding and dieting in the workplace, and provide support for women returning to work.

The women I spoke to had different ways of coping. One was enjoying her first night away from her daughter in over a year, and took a moment to write down her feelings, acknowledging the new space she had created for herself. Fiona did simple wellbeing exercises, such as going outside and getting some fresh air. Michelle, whose work as a breastfeeding support worker still couldn’t prepare her for the “emotional discomfort” she experienced when she stopped feeding her son, has a plan in place for when she eventually stops feeding her daughter: I can write , painting, running. One thing that has really helped me is taking selfies of myself and my kids as they feed. It feels a little ridiculous in the moment you take them, but documenting this action feels incredibly important. I enjoy it now and have hundreds to look back on. I want my babies to know what a precious experience it has been to nourish them with my body, how it has brought me home, an exhalation for both of us. Lately I’ve been wondering if there are any photos of me nursing; I’m surprised at my sadness when I realize I can only think of a few.