Dear Abby: I love everything about my boyfriend, except his problematic son

DEAR ABBY: After a lonely decade post-divorce, I have found a loving man who I will call “Drew.” We share many of the same interests and values, and are enjoying this second chance at love and romance. We spend time at each other’s homes, and my adult children enjoy having him around.

The challenge is the erratic and angry behavior of his 27-year-old son, “Adam,” who lives in the building my friend owns. Adam was previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Drew now says the diagnosis was inaccurate, and Adam is learning how to manage his emotions without heavy medication.

Abby, Adam has never had a job and only teaches one junior college class per semester in his quest to attend a four-year college. He spends the rest of his time gaming with online friends and complaining about neighbors who rent in the building. I have witnessed his disturbing and angry behavior and have made it clear that I will remove myself from the drama if things become heated in my presence.

What I struggle with is the passive way Drew deals with Adam’s bullying and negative behavior. When Adam acts out, Drew is often sworn at, mocked, manipulated, and disrespected. The co-dependency and possibilities in this father-son relationship prevent any chance of Adam living an independent life.

Drew gets very defensive when I talk about his son, and there is rarely agreement on how to handle a particular outburst. I’m not sure I can have a future with him if his son comes as a package deal. Should I stay or should I go? — SEES WRITING ON THE WALL

BEST SEE WRITES: Face it — Drew’s mentally challenged son is part of a package deal. Your friend has no intention of changing the dynamic between him and Adam because, as unpleasant as it is at times, he doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of being strict enough with him to give him more responsibility and less play time. How sad for all three of you.

If you are happy with the status quo, you should stay. But if you want to get married and move in with Drew, I don’t think that’s in the plans and you should step out of the picture.