Questions for Eric: Readers respond to older adults seeking connection

DEAR READERS: On September 23, I published two letters from older adults experiencing loneliness (“Still Grieving” and “Wants a Connection”). I’ve asked those of you who have successfully found connection at a later stage in your lives to sign up.

And write that you did! I have received so many wonderful letters, full of anecdotes and suggestions, that I have split them into two columns. Some today and some next Saturday, November 9. Hopefully these will lead to new connections at every stage of life.

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DEAR ERIC: I left a marriage of 35 years, retired and moved to a new city. For a year, I went to every fundraiser hosted by a nonprofit in the area to determine “who are my people?” At the fundraiser for our local music center I went to the Photo Booth to have my picture taken. To my surprise, the photographer, also recently divorced and new to town, was captivated by my smile. It has been eight years of happy times, in which we have been able to discover the area together.

– Unexpected gain

DEAR UNEXPECTED: “Who Are My People?” is such an important question! I like this way of finding them.

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DEAR ERIC: “Still Grieving” declared himself a secular humanist, so church was off the table. Not at all! The Unitarian Universalist Church has no theology, requires no belief in anything, supports each member on whatever spiritual path they are on (or not). No Bible readings, hymns about love and support and nature, but not God. There are atheists, Buddhists, humanists, agnostics, earthly spiritualists, people who are just looking for community.

– UU community

DEAR UU: Good point. Many Unitarians have contacted me.

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DEAR ERIC: A month after my sweet dog died, I felt I desperately needed another dog. One day, after I adopted my new dog, I was on a website for cities and neighborhoods posting events. The first message I saw was “Looking for a puppy for my puppy to play with.” Basically, the woman had the same breed of dog, which was a month older than mine, and lived within walking distance of my house. All four of us have been best friends ever since. I’m sure my dog ​​and my boyfriend are heaven sent.

– Dog fun

BEST LIGHTING: Pets can provide great company and connect us with others.

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DEAR ERIC: In our 70s, my husband and I moved to an independent living apartment in a 400-person Continuing Care Retirement Community, with lecture series, music programs (mainly classical), and a host of activities from climate advocacy to painting and exercise classes. to play poker.

– Aging well

DEAR PARENT: Many wrote about the numerous benefits of their retirement community, as well as organizations like the Village Movement for older adults living alone.

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DEAR ERIC: There are senior centers in almost every city, and here in Colorado, member catalogs are full of options. I started line dancing and met so many new friends! Our seniors sign up for walks, trips to so many local sites and events, plays and restaurants that it would take me 40 pages to list them all. Get out of your house and out of your comfort zone.

– Always active

DEAR ALWAYS ACTIVE: Dancing came up in many answers, especially square dancing and line dancing. People love the opportunity to meet people and the mental acuity benefits.

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DEAR ERIC: I decided to try an online dating site for seniors. Coincidentally, my now husband was on the same dating site, albeit over 900 miles away in another state. Despite the physical distance, we all felt a connection that grew stronger with regular emails. We actually bought our current house together before meeting in person, just six weeks after our first email. We ‘saw’ each other as we Skyped every evening and exchanged emails regularly. Finally, after three months, he packed up his van and we moved in together. That was three years ago. I’m now 85 and he’s 84. Yesterday we bought a new car together, which may be our very last car, but that’s okay because the future is now, not ever.

– Bridging the distance

BEST CROSSING: What a beautiful feeling. Finding connection through online sites – many people also talked about Match.com – turned out to be the key for many people.

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DEAR ERIC: Last winter I enrolled in a film development course at junior college. Everyone in the class could have been my grandchild in terms of age. It was fun interacting with young people. One in particular, a high school student, introduced himself to me early on and we bonded over photography and writing. She moved her chair next to mine. Nine months later and class is long over, we’re still friends.

– Develop friendship

BEST FRIENDSHIP: I love it – lifelong learning and intergenerational friendship.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him further Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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